Oh sweetheart, I love you.

Even when we’re drunk and my thoughts are more honest than ever, you’re who I love; you’re more than just my bestfriend and I wish you’d see that.

Sometimes we all get a little lost in life. It’s not always black and white, there are shades of grey which cannot be easily deciphered. Sometimes the best intentions have the worst outcomes.

I miss the comfort of being held onto tightly as we fell fast asleep. I miss the hold of your hand as we drove all across town. I miss your hand on my thigh as we conversed with friends. I miss your hand around my waist as we sat and smoked. I miss the hour long hugs where a word was never said. I miss lying on you and listening to your heartbeat as it sung me to sleep. I miss being literally swept off my feet. I miss the smiles between and during kisses. I miss our night long talks that kept us up until the sun would rise. I miss your drunken nights where you’d spill your heart out. I miss having my legs wrapped around while lying on the couch, just talking. I miss beating the shit out of each other (never actually hurting each other). I miss how beautiful you made me feel, even when I was breaking out and in sweats. I miss the hour long goodbyes. I miss watching your headlights fade, knowing they’d be back in a few hours. I miss sharing every bit of my day with you. I miss sneaking around and trying not to get caught. I miss being the hilarious duo. I miss receiving quotes from songs and Shakespeare. I miss you being happy. I miss everything about what we were. I miss my heart being whole. I hope you know that you have forever taken a part of it and that the damage you did over a year ago will never fully heal. I’m just hoping that one day, someone will care enough to stick around; that someone will look past the broken pieces and see that there’s still more of me to give. 

I have so much to do… and all I’m doing is lying in bed, eating chocolate chips, and figuring out ways to get things done that I’m not doing right now because I’m thinking about how I can do them later. Oh the struggle. 

,,

1. Always carry earphones with you wherever you go. Nothing better than listening to music while people watching in public transport.
2. As pretentious as it sounds, a cup of tea in the afternoon is always good for you. Hell you don’t have to drink it reading some Bukowski shit or The Great Gatsby. 3. Take good polaroid pictures. Or just take good pictures of objects, strangers, your friends, or yourself.
4. Make art. Create something and give a portion of yourself to it. Show it. Or keep it in a box under you bed. It’s always nice to have something tangible that speaks about you.
5. Try going to places by yourself.Especially coffee shops. There’s just something strangely exciting with being by yourself and acting like you got it all together when deep inside your anxious as fuck on what to order at the counter.
6. Some days you’re going to ace the test but other days you wont. Whatever it is, it doesn’t measure who you are as a person. It’s just a math exam. It won’t matter in 10 years.
7. Don’t feel like going out on a weekend? Then don’t. Go waste your time on something you feel like doing and not what your friends call fun.
8. But also, do not take advantage of the company of good friends. Surround yourself with the people who love you and allow you to be yourself. And people who remind you you’re not as bad as you think you are.
9. It’s okay not to be okay. Those are your feelings and they are valid. You are allowed to be sad and be human but always remember that life is forgiving for the most part.
10. Sleep is the best temporary cure for anything.
11. Go on with whatever you have in your life right now. You are doing so well.
11. Learn. Learn to go on.

How to go on with it by me (via fhauly)

(via be-at-ease)